Monday, December 22, 2008

J’I just can’t j’help myself!!!!!!!!!!

Ah, yes. If I hadn’t seen it on the news, the huge spike in my blog stats would have told me that something was up. And sure enough, Jordyn-Grace Makiya Duggar has arrived.

Which led me to question whether they have made the best choice of “J” names . . . and got me to thinking . . .

(I hate to link to too many other blogs for fear of seeming like one of those spammy types, but I also knew that there were almost certainly going to be other people out there who were already all over this. I was right, of course! ;-) )

Here’s one blog that has a fun list of names at the end (bonus points for working in a Palin reference! Equally creepy but Palin has better clothes. oh wait. she had to send those back.) I’m going to say that “Jerk Chicken” is my favorite name on this list. (is that a boy or a girl!?)

This blog gets you started with a great list, but don’t miss the comments, either, because there are some gems (Jems?!) there also. But the best quote of all?!

You don’t need a new stripper name if your parents plan from the beginning with a hearty, versatile name like Jinger.

I don’t know anything else about this blogger, but I totally don’t need to. I’m in love entirely on the basis of the brilliance of that one line! If only I could be that witty . . .

And this one is just fun because it includes “Jeep” and “Jello” as options.

But I’m sure that some of you can come up with some more good ones, so have at it in the comments!

(And by the way, I’m only posting this because I don’t get enough hate mail already telling me that Jesus is going to get me for being mean to those nice people . . . )

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

My favorite Duggar: Amy, by a mile!

Seriously. Cousin Amy . . . the voice of reason. Okay, she carries around that yappy little Yorkie everywhere she goes, but her commentary is PRICELESS, as are her facial expressions.

Oh shit. I just admitted that I watched their show train wreck. Seriously, you can’t blame me . . . it’s like a gory car accident . . . as much as I want to turn away, I just can’t . . .

And my new favorite blog?! Right here, baby! http://duggarswithoutpity.blogspot.com/ Will definitely be added to my daily reads!!!

ps–still watching . . . must turn off tv . . . dancing confederate soldiers. NOT what Jesus would do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Quiverfull, or why I won’t apologize for “picking on that nice family that never hurt anyone!” (and others like them!)

(hmm. Longest. title. ever. sorry about that!)

I’ll concede that the WAY I said it may be a problem. But this is nothing new for me.

HOWEVER. Let’s take a look at the movement America’s Favorite Creepy Family espouses.

And above all, they don’t talk about the way the lives of so many, many women in that movement have been all but destroyed– women with 5, 7, 9, 11 or more children, women who lived sometimes for decades with abusive men who were then excommunicated, lost everything they had, when they divorced their abusers . . . They don’t mention women like my friends, H, and L, who served their abusive husbands for decades, only to have them vanish from their “quivers”” lives completely when they finally filed for divorce. H’s husband is also saving for a mail-order bride — a lot of these erstwhile “patriarchs” seem to go that direction when their wives divorce them. Neither H’s or L’s husbands have contact with their “arrows”. My ex-husband also had no contact with his “arrows”– for 11 years. That was fine with me. When he did re-establish contact, they suffered nothing but pain and grief.

The shiny, apparently happy faces of the patriarchs and their full quiver wives and children in articles, on television (and even in the supposed “exposes”, there is, too often, a sort of subtextual admiration, a thinly-veiled reverence for this lifestyle) are an offense to all of us, women and children, who have been harmed by the patriarchs responsible for these teachings. I am going to be telling the truth about that, for as long as I have a voice.

  • As my “gut” has told me before, there is something just so . . . “white” about this movement:

Population is a preoccupation for many Quiverfull believers, who trade statistics on the falling white birthrate in European countries like Germany and France. Every ethnic conflict becomes evidence for their worldview: Muslim riots in France, Latino immigration in California, Sharia law in Canada. The motivations aren’t always racist, but the subtext of “race suicide” is often there. From an article in The Nation.

  • Here’s a formula for populating the world with more and more “real” Christians. (scared yet?)

If these scientifically projected increases are reliable, then we must ask: Why is Mohler concerned about under-population? Under-population for whom? In other words, who is the “we” that is barely replenishing itself?

The projections concerning U.S. population growth also show that if present trends continue Euro-Americans will cease being the majority race in the United States by about 2050. The combined population growth of communities of color over the next half century will make America a predominately non-white nation.

Hence, the religious call for “full-quiver” theology is white-supremacy code language advocating for the increase of white babies.

Mohler’s call, whether he realizes it or not, is a race-based warning. It is a call for white fecundity, lest America becomes overrun with “colored” children, which would only lead, as Mohler puts it, to “huge social problems in the future.” [ ]

  • This one’s for all those who say, “why is it any of your business?” or “why does it bother you so much?”

At this point, many a feminist pop vulture might shrug, “So what? A freaky-deaky group of Christian extremists are popping out a ton of kids. No skin off my nose.” Except it is—at least, that’s the Quiverfull hope. These families are not multiplying like bunnies because it’s fun; they are in it to win it. For its adherents, opening their wombs to God isn’t an overt political stance. But make no mistake, it’s part of a battle for power. And though their odds of winning are slim, when someone wages war against you and your allegedly off-the-wall ideas that women are equal, contraception is a valid choice, and church and state are separate entities, you sit up and take notice.

and AGAIN:

Which is not to say that all babies make good, you know, arrows. Quiverfull adherents have some distinct ideas about what kind of women should be moms in the first place and, perhaps not shockingly, those ideas involve skin pigment. Blogger Cheryl Lindsey Seelhoff (who writes about her personal experience in the movement within the context of her feminist, women-only blog, Womensspace.org) asserts that you won’t find any more racists among the Quiverfull movement than among any other cross-section of the country. But the chatter about declining Western birthrates and the concurrently rising fertility rates of Middle Eastern, African, and Latin American countries that permeates Quiverfull message boards tells a different story. The fear of white Christian culture being outpaced is right there in the scripture, in the specter of “enemies at the gate.”

So one more time. I’m not “attacking” or “picking on” an individual family. I’m expressing my dismay at a movement that I personally find to be creepy. And though some would probably like to “excommunicate” me, I am also a Jesus follower . . . but one who believes in redemption and reconciliation of this world we live in, not escape from it into a parallel, lily-white universe where only “our” people are meant to exist.

even so, come, Lord Jesus.

Monday, August 20, 2007

The Duggars--sick and wrong

(This was my original post on the subject, and it is still the one that gets the most traffic!)

So a Christian blogger that I respect recently posted about how awful Christians such as myself are for our disdain for the Stepford Duggar family. But I just can't help myself. Here are just a few of the reasons that they freak me out:

1) they dress like Mennonites or Orthodox Jews. Which if they were either, I would respect that, but THEY'RE NOT. They're just "some kind" of weird Christian (see #2)

2) They have church in their living room, apparently with other parents of mega-hordes. Even the McCaugheys, my second-favorite train wreck, go to an actual church. I know that "house churches" are trendy, but there's no accountability built in there. Do we forget that another mother of more kids than she could handle*** went to this kind of "living room church"?

3) THERE ARE A GAZILLION ORPHANS IN THE WORLD! And plenty of "waiting children" in the US (even in Arkansas, the Duggar's home state.) The fact that they want to keep procreating rather than giving a home to these "waiting children" leads me to conclude that they are only interested in bringing more white children into the world. I'm sorry, but this just seems downright Aryan to me.

4) I am convinced that they gave their children alliterative names purely to drive me insane. As if this isn't a bad enough thing for someone with three or four or five kids to do?!

5) If you look at the Duggar's photo album, you will see the women and girls doing most of the housework, while the men and boys are playing chess, spelunking, and whatever else. Some Christians are okay with this. I am not. PS--that doesn't mean that you get to decide that I am not a Christian!

6) Even though a proper Republican Christian radio station referred to one Duggar-critical blogger as a member of the "scum of the earth" club, it's still the case that those who would villify me for this rant will tell me how wrong it is to be so mean to such fine, upstanding, completely-obedient-to-God folks such as these, even if it's perfectly okay for THEM to refer to non-believers as "the scum of the earth".

7) Here you go. I'll let them speak for themselves. 'Nuff said!

***I do not in any way mean to mock Andrea Yates or what she went through. As someone who has struggled with mental illness myself, I don't in any way wish to demonize the woman. But the fact that she was in this restrictive environment, attending a "house church" with a similar lack of accountability and the resulting fall from orthodoxy, did not help her condition at all.



COMMENTS ON THIS POST:

Alan

Thanks for your thoughts on the Duggars. I differ with you, but I also differ with the perspective of many of those at Slice.

Here’s my opinion: I have the greatest respect for the Duggar family, and it appears that the kids are well-taken-care-of and seem well adjusted. I admire the parents for their faith and courage, and their organization!! More power to them, as the saying goes! If I thought that they were having children at the taxpayer’s expense, I would have a different opinion; but my understanding is that he is able to support the family without accepting public welfare, and so I can find no “public policy” reason to object.

On the other hand, I have to say that there’s something that leaves me a little uneasy…something “eerie” that I can’t quite put into words. When I discovered (on their website?…I can’t remember) that they were close adherents to Bill Gothard’s teachings, that made the “eerie” feeling even stronger. For those of you who don’t know, Gothard has some very strongly legalistic teachings, and some have exposed him for these (see http://www.amazon.com/Matter-Basic-Principles-Gothard-Christian/dp/0974252808/ref=pd_bbs_sr_3/102-1996905-9148130?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1187719426&sr=8-3
for example). That’s not to disparage all Gothard followers, because I have known many who didn’t bother me at all, but there is a certain rigidity among many Gothard-ites that is troubling to me.

Rigidity and legalism…which leads to my next comment: I get the impression from some of the Duggar fans that “if we were all TRUE Christians and had ANY faith at all, we’d do just like the Duggars”. I get the impression from them that they think those who use birth control are sinning and acting out of selfish, materialistic, hedonistic motivations. With this sentiment I must strongly disagree. It seems to me that the Bible does tell us that different Christians have different gifts, different abilities and different talents; some have seemingly unlimited patience, others struggle with it. Some are good with money, others are not. Some are extremely organized, others are, well, slobs. Some can handle stressful situations very well, others get frantic very quickly. Some are good at multitasking, others aren’t. Some are well-rounded, and seem to be good at everything - they’re good with computers, they’re handy around the house, they can make their own clothes, they can…can (fruit, that is!); others are lucky to get to work on time every day, and can barely take care of themselves, let alone 17 kids.

The Duggars seem to have many of the qualities (and circumstances) it takes to have the number of kids they have. But we can’t expect others to feel that they must do the same thing or ELSE they’re NOT VERY FAITHFUL CHRISTIANS (Sniff!) and assume that to stop at one kid or two kids, etc. (dare I say even…decide NOT to have kids at all??) means that your decision is based on some Satanic motivation.

Despite all the “full quiver” talk, there is no place in the Bible that dictates how many children a couple should have. Yes, children are a blessing, but that’s not the same as to say that you MUST never consider birth control. The Bible also says when a man has found a good wife, he has found a good thing. That is not the same as to say that a man MUST marry, or else he is a backsliding rebel.

So since the matter isn’t clearly spelled out in Scripture, we should be very careful about condemning those who differ with the Duggar’s lifestyle and choices, just as much as we should be careful about scoffing at the Duggars and those families of a similar mindset. We should admire and commend the Duggars, but be careful at the same time to practice the principles of Romans 14 and Christian liberty toward those who don’t make the same choices, since the Bible does dictate one way or the other.

22 08 2007
Alan

Whoops…that last sentence of my last post should read “…since the Bible does NOT dictate one way or the other”.

22 08 2007
Alan

If you don’t mind me adding a few points, I’d like to say that I used to go to a Reformed Baptist church that had many large families (8 or 9 kids). Based on some of your comments in Slice’s forum, I thought you might be pleased to know that one of these (white) families had many of their own children, but had also adopted 2 African American kids into their family too; they also acted as foster parents to other kids.

I really admired the family; actually I felt unworthy when I compared myself to them. But they never, ever made me feel as though I was a 2d class Christian just because my wife and I didn’t have children. I never felt as though they (or the other large families) looked down on others who had fewer (or no) kids.

I also never had the eerie feeling with those families that I get from the Duggars. Maybe it’s just that whole Gothard thing that makes the difference. I believe that the Gothard mindset is, again, entirely too (even…dangerously?) rigid, and goes far beyond what Scripture actually states.

For example, the gender roles. You have caught on to the rigidity that is being established in that home. Yes, the Bible says that wives are to be “keepers at home”, but is that to say that it’s a sin for a wife to work outside the home, when the Bible also contains Proverbs 31? Consider this scenario: let’s say one of the little Duggar girls hates sewing, hates cleaning the house, hates doing laundry, and isn’t entirely fond of cooking either….but one day she learns about astronomy in homeschool, and falls in love with the whole field of study, dreaming one day of being an astronaut, or going to university to be an astronomer, maybe working at an observatory. Do you think this dream would be encouraged or discouraged by the parents? My hunch is that it would be discouraged since it doesn’t fit in the Gothard mold, but (as Bill O’Reilly says) I could be wrong.

After all, this would mean years of schooling, a potential career (gasp!) at (say) NASA, and perhaps the postponement of marriage and children. Would this make her worldly? Selfish? A disobedient Christian? I don’ think so…but this whole scenario just would not fit inside the Gothard “box”. But perhaps as a Christian astronaut or astronomer, she would be as inspiring and influential, even as God-glorifying as her mother, just in a different way.

Your thoughts?

In Christ, Alan

15 10 2007
Maura

I am horrified. Wait till one of their kids rebels and becomes a stripper and then gets into the porn industry. Just watch. The sh-t will hit the fan. Poor children. The way this family lives is unnatural. I checked out the modest swimwear link. Frightening…as if the human body was bad and dirty and sex was evil and wrong. I’ll bet these parents would turn their backs on their kids if they disagreed with the lifestyle and wanted to marry someone of another faith, have pre-marital sex etc. That tends to be the nature of a cult.

17 01 2008
Steve

it is kinda funny that some one would condemn people for having their own children, and almost blame them for not adopting the orphans in their state. If this person is that concerned about the orphans then they should adopt. Do not condemn someone for something that you yourself are not prepared to do.

21 01 2008
laterain

(posted and e-mailed)

You are correct in saying that I am not prepared to do something (right now) about the “waiting children” in my own state . . . but it’s something that is certainly on my radar for the future, however distant.

however, I also have not chosen to give birth to 17 children in an era where the earth is horrifically overpopulated and using up resources at such a fast rate that we may not be able to sustain life on this planet for very much longer . . .

and I realize that this may seem like semantics, but I don’t see myself as “condemning” this family . . . I don’t even know them personally, right? so I know it seems strange to so many that I would “pick on them” like this . . . but again, it’s what they REPRESENT that I have a problem with.

This was an obscure post that I wrote while feeling particularly “inspired” one day, and yet it continues to get more traffic than anything else I write about. I wish that my other posts (well, not the “fat girl” ones, but everything else!) would get this kind of attention!

24 02 2008
AuntJ

I agree with the comment about a girl in this type of family being encouraged to use her gifts, if they don’t relate to homemaking or parenting. Also, I question how much indivduality is allowed at all in a family this large. For example, what are the chances that all of the children showing playing the violin naturally gravitated toward that instrument? It seems that the parents are more interested in the image that they are presenting to the world with their family than in the children as individual people.

24 03 2008
Jody

The parents seem like they have incredible patience and are extremely loving. However, I think that by having this many children the parents are taking their kids childhood away from them. If you watch the shows, you will see that the mother doesn’t really do much of anything but get pregnant. The kids do everything else. They do all the cooking, cleaning and washing. These kids are maids, not children!!

8 04 2008
Mickey

The parents do seem loving and patient, I agree. I would have to say though that I have never seen anything more morally wrong. Before they built their new house, Michelle used to stay up until 2:00 in the morning doing laundry. That in and of itself is ridiculous. The children being home skilled and having little to no contact with anybody in the outside world would be completely traumatized if something, God forbid, were to happen to their parents

29 04 2008
Anna

To the person (laterain) worried about sustaining life in this “horrifically over-populated” world… I would like to say a couple things. First, pro-creating in and of itself is single most obvious way to “sustain life.” also, you need to realize that just as you have your opinions, beliefs, and potential child-rearing methods, this family has theirs too. They are Christians, as well as quite conservative, and simply believe that birth control is wrong. This is America so they are entitled to believe and behave in that way if they choose! Also the way they raise their family has OBVIOUS motivations, modesty=respect for one’s body, chores=preparation for your own family, and as for the sheltering, it is easy to see why God-fearing people would want to protect their kids from what the media has to offer!!! and one more thing. if this family were to exist in a different time or in a more conservative environment, i’m sure that their methods would not be questioned so much. but the fact is, after the drugs, sex, rock and roll era has pervaded society, families trying to adhere to more conservative lifestyles are considered “odd” or even bad.
BOTTOM LINE: the duggars are not abusive or neglectful. they just have a lot of kids. go pick on someone else

9 05 2008
Susanna

If you really follow the bible about this whole “quiver” movement and want to follow it to a tee, then you should REALLY only have 7 children because a quiver only holds 7 arrows! My husband a former pastor educated me on that. And also for the record, if you do a little research on Mrs. Duggar she used to use birth control! SHOCK!!!

9 05 2008
Bertha

These people have WAY too many kids. She has been pregnant for HALF of her life!! Why would someone want to do that. I realize that the kids are great but 18 kids is a lot plus they have no individuality.

9 05 2008
Elle

Who cares how many children they have? They seem to have enough money and certainly enough love to go around. Their children are healthy, loved, god-fearing, and seem happy. They are a content family and work like a well oiled machine. I think they are very sweet and what’s your point in criticizing them and putting them down?? Leave them alone for Christ’s sake.

9 05 2008
Gavern

The Duggars are sick people very sick and it’s things like this that make the world dislike America so much and give good Americans a very bad name. NO EXCUSE THEY ARE SICK!

9 05 2008
Steve

I must admit it concerns me. I, too, wonder about the older children. I remember seeing the family on TV once and they interviewed the oldest son. He said he only wanted to have “two” children - that spoke something to me. Seems to me the Mom and Pop are the ones who are the happiest about these new babies. And, I’m not so sure they care what the kids think - they probably assume they will automatically embrace it. I, too, wonder about one “snapping” - wouldn’t be the first time. And when you mention Andrea Yates - I think her husband should be in prison right along with her. He killed those children just as surely as she did, although he never touched them. It was all about him -and now, he has it ALL to himself. Pitiful - that’s the only word for it. May God cover these children with His hand and keep them safe.

9 05 2008
Sean

I think a lot of the arguements ‘for’ these people are way off-target. Who cares if the bible says you should breed like rats, who cares if they take care of them properly, who cares if they have the right to be completely irresponsible. All of these religions who’s tenets are to procreate as much as possible in order to spread your faith are ridiculous and dangerous. You as a responsible adult have to take into account the results of your actions. Duh. Fercundity is not something to be taken lightly and should not be done just because it makes you happy or feel ‘closer to the lord’ or whatever. I seriously believe that we are going to be eventually forced into mandated population control because of these kind of people. What if everyone who could breed like that did, we would all succumb within a few generations. What gives these people the right to do this? Nothing. I don’t think that’s how your god wants you to behave. Grow up.

10 05 2008
Something else

Sure they aren’t living on “government” handouts. But they are certainly making money OFF having so many kids. Their house was built for them, they don’t do TV spots for free either.

What makes ME uneasy is they have more kids as a cash crop “oh look, oldest is ready for college, let’s pop another one out to finance it!” sort of mentality. They aren’t DOING anything to earn the money other than popping out and raising kids. Now I’m sure it’s more than a full time job, I’d never suggest that its easy, but they got lucky and are able to afford more kids because they had so many to begin with.

20 05 2008
Concerned

Dear one,
If you are a true Christian, then you will not judge others. The Lord says in His Word that we should pluck the plank from our own eye before we try to remove the splinter from our brother’s. The Duggars are not a perfect family, and have never claimed to be. They are simply trying to follow the Bible at the Holy Spirit’s leading, and not trying to push their belief’s off on anyone else. In Lifeway magazine’s ParentLife this month, there is an article about them/by them. Michelle Duggar states in this article:

” Frankly I do not answer my critics unless I sense that behind their questions is a sincere desire to ask of the hope that is in me. I am ont going to push my personal convictions on anybody else. I believe that is where our walk with Christ is personal. Who can argue with someone’s personal relationship with God? I am not expecting anyone else to walk this walk. This is a calling that I know God has placed on my heart. It is about Him, my walk with Him, and my testimony of who He is in my life.
I feel a great kinship with the great missionary to the orphans, George Mueller. I love his testimony because people thought he was crazy, too. They said ” You can’t take care of that many kids! What are you thinking?” I look at his life, and I feel the same way. You do not have to tell me that I am totally inadequate. I know I am!! But by God’s grace, I am able. In my weakness, God makes me strong.”

Michelle Duggar
ParentLIfe Magazine
May 2008

Please search Scripture, and your heart, and be very sure that the things you say about others are Godly. This post, sadly, is not. :(

Praying for you

A Concerned Christian

20 05 2008
Valerie

I am torn. I completely agree w.many of your thoughts. I believe that their sexist household is frightening. I wonder how much one human body can take. Reallly, does her OB think the average woman can birth 18 children?
However, I respect that there is something frighteningly peaceful about them. They know they are mocked by today’s society, somewhat, and they don’t care. They truly believe in the life they’ve chosen, and they live it well.
So, I suppose it’s a to-each-their-own, type thought.
I have to confesws, I can’t wait to see their show on DiscoveryHealth, because it looks like a series, long-term, not just one show.

I can’t find previews online, but I did see these:
Wonder how Michelle Duggar feels about Quads w.Two Moms! LOL}!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhvPt2BPUos

And this looks like one of those dateline things: Women who didn’t know they were pregnant.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAbF5DzVSPo&feature=related

27 05 2008
barbara

Wow. I would hate to be you on judgement day. Just because they do not fit into the same Christian mold you came from (which i am not sure how Christian it was considering your worldly nasty views of other christians) dosen’t mean they are weird/wrong or anything else. Maybe if you applied scripture to your own life as they have you wouldn’t be so nasty to others.
barbara….also quiverful momma

26 07 2008
Asteris

First off, to the person who made the comment about adoptions and “don’t do something you’re not prepared to do first.” Here’s the thing, not everyone can afford to adopt children. However, A family who can afford to have 18 children, could certainly have afforded to adopt children instead.

Secondly, what bothers me most about the Duggar family after watching their show previously, is the lack of attention each child gets from the parents. They seem like the “perfect” family, except children take care of children. The parents do very little actual parenting. It’s more like a summer camp than a family in my opinion.

The clear sexism also bothers me. There are so many opportunities for women these days, and so many activities previously thought to be “only for men” that should be for women too. A woman who cannot see herself as anything but a wife and a baby making machine is not a woman I could get along with. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a wife and mother, but what about doing something for yourself? From what I could see, they aren’t providing their children, especially the girls, with the opportunities to realize they can do both; they can be wives and mothers, AND they can go to college, climb a mountain, see the world, whatever they wish to do.

Lastly, though I do not wish harm on the mother or family, I have to wonder, how much more can her body take? People had so many children in the past because not all of them lived. Having that many children was hard on the body, and still is. Mrs. Duggar isn’t a young woman anymore, eventually she’ll need to learn to quit, or she’ll, or a baby, will face the medical consequences of her and her husband’s refusal to practice some kind of birth control.

28 07 2008
Laci

Wow, what a “christian” thing of you to do. Judging a family just because you seem to think that it’s all about you? Even going so far as to make some asinine statement about their naming their children “just to drive you insane”. I hate to burst that bubble you live in, sweetheart, but you aren’t the only one living in this world, and the Duggars don’t have to live to suit you and your vanity. Apparently, you have nothing better to do than put other people down, so you must be a pretty miserable individual. A miserable individual with too much free time on your hands. Perhaps a hobby, or a JOB would be best suited for you? Rather than sitting on the internet blathering on about you, you, you and why these people make you insane. Perhaps a mental wellness check might be in your near future? Look into it…….

28 07 2008
laterain

(posted and emailed)

Laci, thanks for your comments. Some responses:

1) This entry was meant to be tongue-in-cheek. My one “real” gripe with families like the Duggars is the fact that the underlying motivation for having so many children is a thinly-veiled white supremacy and a desire to repopulate the earth with the “right” (read: white) kind of children. http://littlemisstottenville.com/2008/05/10/quiverfull-or-why-i-wont-apologize-for-picking-on-that-nice-family-that-never-hurt-anyone-and-others-like-them/

2) I have many hobbies. Blogging is one of them, as I have always been a writer.

3) I definitely also have a job. (40 hours per week; vacation day today!)

4) As I mentioned in this post, I *am* living with mental illness (double depression, anxiety, ADHD, PTSD) and I appreciate your concern for my mental health, but I am doing well and doing what I need to to keep myself well. I also don’t think this has anything to do with my feelings about this family. (I meant to use the word “insane” in this case in a colloquial/non-clinical way.)

5) I don’t consider myself to be a miserable person at all. I have a rich life, am very active in my church and community, and “miserable” is not a word that most people who know me would use when describing me.

As I have tried to explain, and I can understand why some people don’t accept this explanation, I have nothing against the Duggars as people or as fellow Jesus followers (though I might disagree with some of their opinions on what makes someone a “proper” Jesus follower). I DO have a problem with the philosophy they embrace, the misogynistic nature of their family make-up, with a twelve-year-old girl doing all the laundry for twenty people every day, etc. Perhaps they are truly very nice people. However, they have put themselves out in the public spotlight, and because of this, they are going to be under scrutiny. Such is the nature of celebrity in our society.

This post continues to be the highest-ranking post I’ve ever written. This is not something I’m particularly happy about; I would greatly prefer that people would read the things I write about racism in our country, or about size acceptance, or mental health parity. But apparently I am not the only “miserable” person who continues to have a sick fascination with this particular train wreck.

Thank you, Laci, for your kind and loving Christian comments towards me. I always welcome the dialogue and I post all comments, even those from my detractors.

Thanks for reading.

Lorraine

28 07 2008
laterain

Laci’s email bounced back to me as invalid. Hopefully she will see this here, so that she knows how very much I appreciated her kind words of concern.

9 10 2008
Carla

My goodness, can’t we have a little tolerance. I grew up in a large family (seven children) and it was great. My husband and I have two children which is plenty for us. There are screwed up large families out there as well as screwed up small families. The Duggars seem happy. Let them be.

23 10 2008
a different faith

First, I am not Christian. Do we get extra points for that?? Most faiths teach compassion and not judging others. It did not start with Jesus. I enjoy watching the Duggars though. If Michelle and Jim Bo are happy. Fine. I have seen some of the other families they have on. I think one day someone is going to get tired of waiting on line to pee and will just take a job and slide down a pole to go first. Clothes may cover you, but we all can figure out what is under there.

No kids live here.

26 10 2008
meet the duggars… « life as i know it

[...] one very-pregnant mother who says she’s always sick the first 3 months. homeschooling. a church inside their house. vacations where they all dress the same for identification purposes. names that all start with [...]

1 11 2008
voban

First thing, if you put yourself on television, you are most definitely inviting public scrutiny. So those who say “leave them alone” think about the best way for that to happen….they should stop televising their lives. Problem solved.

I watch on occasion because they are so odd. They don’t seem like bad people, but I see a woman who appears to think she is only worthwhile if she is pregnant. I’ve seen Jim Bob and Michelle sitting in their room with an infant in a swing, cooing over it and making cutesy comments wondering about when they’ll have the next one. There’s just something wrong with that. It seems as though once the baby is born and grows toward toddlerhood, they are old news. The next one is the focus while there is already a sweet baby right there in front of them. It made me sad for the baby.

I have seen many episodes in which the older girls have a toddler in a carrier or holding one on their hip. The last time I saw Michelle announce her pregnancy (on a TV show nonetheless) they later talked about the excitement of deciding who this baby’s buddy was going to be. Already being pawned off on one of the siblings, already having a surrogate parent set up.

Sure, everyone needs to pitch in, but when my children were young, I WAS THE MOMMA and I brushed hair, bathed, dressed, and watched over them. I wanted to care for my children MYSELF. They have a big family, everyone will have big jobs. But caring for the youngest should be the job of the parents, not the older children.

2 11 2008
Paul

Basically it boils down to this: It’s nobody’s business but theirs. You are not supporting them.

3 11 2008
Laura

the whole thing seems selfish and stupid to me.

who are they to think that they can just continue to have hoards of healthy and ‘normal’ children when there are so many babies born with horrible diseases and disabilities, not to mention the people who cannot have children at all.

when her body eventually gets fed up and kills her it will be her children left with the burden of raising all these kids.

creationism? really? I thought there were facts about oh say a small little thing called EVOLUTION. Then again the kids wouldn’t necessarily know that since they’re home schooled and are fed all this bible-thumping bullshit since birth.

dressing the same all the time? the J’s? it’s all just too weird.

6 11 2008
Maria

Take into consideration that they may not be the typical Christians that everyone is familiar with but may be Mormon, a ’slight’ stretch in my mind from Christian.

10 11 2008
laterain

actually, I’m certain that they are NOT Mormons. That’s the thing . . . they’re not even Amish, or Mennonites . . . they’re just their own special brand of . . .

23 11 2008
Day 327 - Shavonne

[...] I think they have something. I’m not sure what it is but I watching this family despite some people reading more into Duggar lifestyle than there really is. I don’t see anything racist about them having so many children. I think the Duggar children all [...]

28 11 2008
Rodney

We all should just be glad we aren’t mama and daddy Duggar. I agree with many of the comments about the children are the parents instead of the actual parents. I do worry that the youngest children aren’t getting the nurturing they need from their parents. I just don’t see how it would be possible

BUT…

I do see how they stick to their guns about living in this world but not of this world. I think it is admirable that they go against the “grain of today”.

I really think us “normal” folks have it all wrong. Morality has taken a back seat in our culture. When you look at how they are being raised and how our grand (great) parents lived, there isn’t much difference. My grandfather never had an alone date with my grandmother until they married. They were married for more than 60 years-when my grandfather died.

I don’t think I could live like they do but I am not going to throw stones at them for being committed to living the way that they feel is right for them.

I do think that their children (well the boys) are quite immature but then again maybe our children become too worldly wise too quick.

I like the show…but dang 18 is enough already!!

14 12 2008
Kim Mobey

If children are the gifts of God, the Duggars are sitting under the Christmas tree with a mouth full of sweets, taking everything they find and screaming for more.

20 12 2008
Billie Bob Duggar

I can’t wait for the incest scandal that will most likely occur between all these siblings since they never seem to have human contact outside of their own family very often if at all.

I’m thinking the mom has some weird pregnancy fetish. She needs to feel “full” all the time. Or maybe it’s her husband that has a preggo fetish…

Who knows. One thing is for though, this is pretty fucking sick.

/Not a Christian before anyone decides they want to tell me I’m not one.

20 12 2008
lynn

ithink the duggars are great parents and very god centered the kids seem very responsible and clever a little work at home never hurt anyone happy bithday to the new babe there is nothing so wonderful as a new babe!!!

21 12 2008
marc

The Duggars (husband and wife) clearly have some form of an mental illness. Mrs. Duggar will have to pay a very high price, indeed, for her baby assembly line life style. Osteoporosis, kidney and heart disease are just a few of the problems she will have in the not to distant future. The husband is very creepy. It’s all about sex, power and control of women with this guy. Freud would have a field day with this guy on the couch The poor children! The entire family needs psychiatric help.

21 12 2008
FriendsOfLiberty

Gavern, The world dislikes America because of its interventionist foreign policy which calls for us to stick our noses in everybody else’s business, not because an American family decided to have 18 children. And, considering that those around the world who do criticize America for its depravity and decadent culture, are referring to out of wedlock children, drug abuse, rampant pornography and broken homes, it is far more reasonable to assume that the example of the Duggars is something non-Americans would find to be a positive point, not a negative one. If the Duggars are your example of bad Americans, then what on earth could be considered an example of good Americans??? How do you define “sick”?

I do respect the right for all to have their own opinion, but to some of you on this topic, all I read from you is blathering hate-filled rants, without any reasoning behind it. If you have an opinion, by all means, please state your complaints and back it up with logical reasoning. As a rational person, I am always interested in the reasons behind people’s ideas.

21 12 2008
laterain

With all due respect, FriendsOfLiberty, I think that “blathering hate-filled rants”
are the whole purpose of the internet . . . or at least the blogosphere.

I like to dissect, mock, and have my mind boggled by the CONCEPT of the Duggars . . . but in reality, I know that they have every right to live their lives as they want to. If she wants to build a subway station through her uterus, far be it from me to intervene . . .

However, for me, it all goes back to one thing . . . the fact that the movement they espouse (QuiverFull) is rooted in the idea that there are not enough white people in the world. THAT is, has been, and always will be my main “legitimate” beef with these folks.

The rest is just snarkiness.

22 12 2008
librashell

Poor Michelle… No sooner does she pop one out than Jim Bob’s jumping back on. These people need to find something else to do with their free time.

Not only are they single-handedly overpopulating the already crowded earth but the actual resources that this family uses staggers me. How much of their local landfill is stocked with their used diapers? How much water is used to wash all their clothes and how much detergent is poured back into the earth? How much electricity does it take to light and heat everyone’s bedroom in their 7000 square foot house? How much food has to be grown and transported just to allow this family to exist? They can procreate as much as they want - but whether the earth can handle even a few more generations of this family practicing what it preaches is a different story.

28 12 2008
cheri

I agree with a lot of you about micheles health.having all those children right after the other has to take a toll on someone.She should take care of the kids herself.The older one shouldn’t have to raise the little ones

31 12 2008
jane

The piont you made about how they dress, why is it so bad for the girls to wear pretty dresses??? They were made of pretty colourful martial. What the girls wear are modest. Aren’t little girls suppossed to wear pretty dresses??? Why can’t they look sweet and pretty? I still wear dresses and i’m a teen! And I don’t know what’s so wrong with what the boys wear. Tey wear what evry other boy wears. Jeans and a shirt. What’s so freaky about that?

31 12 2008
laterain

“pretty” is one adjective, but it’s certainly not the one I’d choose. As others have said, why does dressing like you’re out of Little House on the Prairie bring you closer to God?

4 01 2009
dont hate the buggars

If you watched an earlier show, they explain that they keep the clothing simple so that they can share with the siblings that are of similar size and then hand down when the younger kids grow. Pants wear out quicker than dresses do. They also tend to buy stuff at the thrift store and that can limit their choices.

They never claimed their only reason was modesty. its nice to see boys whose underwear isnt showing and little girls who actually look like girls, not underage prostitutes.

5 01 2009
pixibeau

Has anyone ever compared Michelle to the “Queen” in a bee hive. All the Queen does is eat, breed, get fat and lay eggs. Drones, who could be compared to the children, do all the work, keep food handy for the queen and take care of all the “eggs”. So sad to see those young teenage girls with babies strapped to their bodies (even while doing other chores). Where does their “Quiverfull” society get off that the boys shouldn’t do laundry, cook and all the other chores that the girls do. On recent trip to New York, I didn’t see Jim Bob, Michelle or any of the boys with babies in strollers or strapped to their back. This is disgusting. One day, some way, somebody in this “Happy Household” is going to get tired and say ENOUGH!!!! And Heaven forbid that one of them should have the nerve to look at another teenager outside of their own little group. Also, if these children are brought up with such high morals, why couldn’t the older son and his girlfriend be trusted to be alone and always had to have another kid or two along when they went out. Just too many questions here to believe that everything is a wonderful as they want the public to believe.

9 01 2009
Anonymous

This is a mixed situation for me. As a girl who wouldn’t even play house, I do wonder how happy a girl can be who doesn’t buy the full quiver, stay at home message. And I see that the kids seem to have a good life that is not based around television and the latest expensive fad.

It does seem convenient that God’s plan was for them to have a lot of girls first so they could do the housework. I wonder what will happen when the older girls are married and the six boys in a row are the eldest. Will the younger girls be enlisted to care for the older boys?

Overall, the Duggar family impresses me as being the equivalent of a very well run orphanage. The kids are treated well as a group, interact well as a group, and taking care of them is the primary business of nearly every day because there is such a large crowd of them.

14 01 2009
tiffany

i really like the duggars the girls rly set a positive example on me and i admire them. their family really inspired me 2 go to church so now i am a born again christian!!

21 01 2009
I wonder

if the girls are ever allowed to wear pants? I mean they went horse back riding in skirts, and did all these things in skirts that I would never chance doing.

26 01 2009
justin

oh and p.s, whats with naming all the kids starting with j. maybe a duggar bitch can post a message why..

27 01 2009
Tiki

The problem I have with these people is that they are exploiting their children for the sake of making money. No way anyone with 18 children and a normal salary making job as BillyBob or JimBob could afford a house that large, and have it paid for in advance. They make megabucks off the show. It’s the same with Jon and Kate. They use their children to make money. Plus, those poor Duggars kids raise their siblings. I don’t care what the media wants us to believe. I can’t believe these kids love this lifestyle. And, in no way, can 20 people in one house get along that well all the time. It’s just weird.

28 01 2009
Misha

Hi,
I do not agree with you I agree with the Duggars they are a great family my family sorta lives like them i love how close they are and I think you should not criticize a family that has such a GREAT GODLY view the whole world needs to live under God as the Duggars do. I personally agree with the way they raise their kids and hope that when I have a family i will raise mine in that way. They are not trying to populate white people (that is you just saying they are raciest) they loving having a big family and the feeling of having a big family. I think that the way they dress is wonderful more people should do that. I no MANY family’s that all the kids names start with the same letter and i think it is very cute.

Please meet the people and do not judge people you do not no I no people who know the Duggars and they are a great family!

Thank you for reading,
Misha

28 01 2009
D

I don’t care if the Duggers keep having kids until her uterus falls out of her along with her next baby. I judge no one that wants a big family, my BIG problem(s) are that her daughters are all being put into this “house wife roll” cooking, cleaning, and giving birth are all they are worth, the men in there lives are the “providers” and as said in one episode “the authority”. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? did women’s suffrage not happen? just like evolution didn’t according to these people? My feminist flag goes on red alert every time this show comes on.

If God made all of your children individuals why wont you let them ACT LIKE IT. they all learn to play the same instruments all wear the same color , think alike do alike act alike, P.S. thats not normal. there is a difference between guiding your children and controlling them

I believe in God, im a married woman without children, Oh My! and i believe God understands my reasons for having or not having babies. i was raised by two wonderful parents who taught me to think for myself, to believe in myself, and always BE myself. i wonder can those children say the same?

31 01 2009
Dawn

Not sure what everyone is stressing over, this county is so great, we can still choose how to live and believe…as long as law abiding. So, explain how the Duggars break the law!

4 02 2009
laterain

And beautifully enough, we are free to snark about other law-abiding folks as much as we please!

but, um, tax-free living because your house is a church? It’s not breaking the law, I’ll agree, but it’s interesting.

okay, okay . . . I know that supposedly isn’t true. but their house IS their church. And if they got a stimulus payment for at least 16 kids last year, they’re not hurting for money . . . hmmm. maybe I should start having kids.

20 02 2009
amy

My ex-husband and I had 4 kids together then he left me and the kids for his mistrss. I wish he had been devoted to his family in the same way Jim Bob is dedicated to his wife and family. In some ways I envy them. In other ways I do think the girls in the household are not treated fairly. They are interesting to watch.

11 03 2009
COG

Lately, I’ve been a fan of the “big family” shows on cable. I usually watch them when my kids are at their father’s house [and note: I am in the middle of a big custody battle]. The Duggars are my favorite family, although I found them nauseating at first. The parents at first seemed naively happy or drugged! But when I look at them now, I see that this husband and wife are truly in love with each other. I believe that their love is especially strong because it flows out of their love for God. I married a self-satisfied atheist intellectual, who has recently turned into a New Age pantheist. [He thinks he's God now!!]. I recently returned to the Catholic Church, and I don’t agree with all of the Duggars’ biblical interpretations. But so what? I do agree with their stance on accepting children as gifts from God. Does this sound naive of me? Well, no. I am coming from the wreckage of a life lived at the altar of leftist liberalism. I won’t go into the details, but at the end when I stood up and walked out on these people, it was precisely because of what I later read in the Bible: “ye shall know them by their fruits.” People can talk a good game, but you need to examine their fruits. I could write a book on the bad fruits of atheists intellectuals. They write books with titles like “God is not Great.” They certainly don’t start missions to help the poor in the most wretched places on earth. Nor do New Agers, for that matter. For those that are concerned with the planet, I can only say that I am fine to see us blown to bits rather than continue to protect the planet while humans are starved, tortured and forgotten on this planet. It takes a lot of hubris to say that saving the planet is our biggest priority, because we truly do not know the future of this planet. Nobody does. That is from the Bible as well. Jesus commanded us to “love one another as I have loved you.” I think the Duggars are practicing that reasonably well, even I disagree about having girls wear skirts down to floor! Very impractical.

11 03 2009
Interesting

I think they are interesting as well! I feel bad for the girls, always in the kitchen/chores/babysitting role…the parents and boys are SOOOO dependent on them to care for the little ones. Last night, Dad “taught” them to check oil, change tires, etc. and Mom “taught” the boys laundry/cooking. Makes we wonder just how much flack they were getting from viewers over the obvious gender stereotypes.

I’m also curious as to whether or not the kids would be allowed to attend college or even have aspirations to do so. It seems as if the girls in particular are being raised to be nothing more than subserviant SAHM’s (dare I say Breeders…).

All that said, I admire their resourcefulness and the love and commitment they have for one another.